I'd Rather Be Proud of What I Am

“Niggas talk about change and working within the system to achieve that. The problem with always being a conformist is that when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you…No matter how much you want to dye your hair blonde and put fake eyes in, or follow an anorexic standard of beauty, or no matter how many diamonds you buy from people who exploit your own brutally to get them, no matter what kind of car you drive or what kind of fancy clothes you put on, you will never be them. They're always gonna look at you as nothing but a little monkey. I'd rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I'm really not, just to fit in. And whether we want to accept it or not, that's what this culture or lack of culture is feeding us...  

There is usually nothing wrong with compromise in a situation, but compromising yourself in a situation is another story completely,”

These are the words of Immortal Technique, an Afro-Peruvian American rapper as well as an urban activist, in his song Poverty of Philosophy. These are the words which came to my mind when the story of Pallo Jordan broke.

Pallo Jordan was always a bit of an enigma to me. A revolutionary with a long and proud history of involvement in South Africa`s liberation struggle, he has always stood out not only as an intellectual but as the voice of reason and rationality within a movement that has built its hegemony on the Stalinist traditions of the Soviet Union and who did not suffer breaches of its “one-line” approach lightly. In fact Pallo Jordan was subjected to the attentions of Mbokodo, the ANC intelligence operation in exile, and was arrested and held in custody for daring to voice alternative views.

As a young activist, I hero worshiped Pallo. He was the Che` Guevara of the ANC intellectuals and I hung on his every word.

During the late 1990`s I became increasingly aware of the short comings of an organisation I had revered and for which I was well prepared to die for during the liberation struggle.  I increasingly sort answers to the malaise that had enveloped the beloved ANC, and I increasingly sort answers through academic sources. As I built up my understanding of the political economy that underpinned what I saw as the betrayal of the liberation struggle by my beloved organisation, I started to engage my comrades in what was to be done. 

There was a general acknowledgment that things were not as they should be, but quite often we disagreed about the political analyses that should underpin a programme of action that would return the liberation movement to its commitments to the freedom Charter.

Many felt that the system must be changed from within and that every effort must be made to maintain party political unity, while building factions within the movement to win back political power. This view gained expression in Polokwane when a broad alliance united behind the candidacy of Jacob Zuma in order to sideline the “1996 Class Project” headed by Thabo Mbeki.

While, I had long been outside of the movement by then, I silently hoped that such a democratic process would indeed bring about the much needed change of direction and a refocus on democracy and the people who actually mattered. But alas, this was not to be, and instead the class project was intensified and a range of much more destructive tendencies started to take root. Looting of state coffers and exclusion of communities continued unabated, and indeed increased under the leadership of Jacob Zuma.

During all of this I consistently wondered why someone like Pallo Jordan, who was clearly an intellectual giant within the ANC and who often helped to frame the political paradigms of the ANC, while occasionally acting as a voice of reason and providing alternative views, would remain stuck within the ANC.

Surely, my logic persisted; an intellectual would long have reached a conclusion which would place the ANC squarely within the ambit of a defender of neo liberal dispossession and a vehicle for Comprador elites which was most closely focused on its own enrichment rather than the economic liberation of its people?

But still, there was no indication that Pallo was driven by the same greed which seems to have become the hall mark of the senior leadership of the ANC, and so my hope remained that Pallo would present a cogent defense of the ANC which would drag me from my skepticism and shed new light on the once revered liberation movement.

Instead, what I woke up to on that fateful Sunday morning was the news that Pallo Jordan was a cheat. Not in the sense of the greed I alluded to earlier, but a cheat nonetheless.  The words of Immortal technique now made sense to me...too much sense.

Pallo it appears was seduced by the system he was supposed to change. So taken was he with the accolades of power and prestige that he could not bring himself to deny his “doctorate”. And slowly but all too surely, Pallo realised what this rapper had known intuitively, that “when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you”

But still, Pallo could not muster the courage to step out of his privilege and to assume his position as the conscience of the movement or at the very least a proud and unbowed intellectual who stood by his convictions. Instead he craved recognition and acceptance and to fit in so much, that his intellectual integrity played second fiddle to his personal ambitions.  

Pallo Jordan`s exposure is as much a reflection on our society, as it is on the person. As much a reflection on the ANC, a liberation movement, that today is the epitome of assimilation into the western culture and economic system which benefits the Comprador Elite and western shareholders.

In too many ways, we have sold our souls to the western neo liberal conception of what our society should be and what type of individuals should make up that society. Thus a doctorate, and remaining within the clientellistic systems of the ANC, which is not only a reflection of one’s dedication and intellect, but also of privilege, has become more important than maintaining integrity and honesty.

“I'd rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I'm really not”